Autumn in Japan

Cherry blossom, schmerry blossom. Japan's favourite season is autumn, offering a brief window of respite between insufferable heat and insufferable cold.



These pics were taken in late November, on a beautiful bleak sunny day in Hakone.
It's about half an hour away from Gotemba, in the neighbouring prefecture of Kanagawa, famous for its hot springs, cable car ropeway, and a really good Indian restuarant that is always closed.





Carebear loveheart pixie tree


Three different trees covered this patch of forest floor with three stripes of coloured leaves.




The colours are particularly fantabulous this year because of the high amount of rainfall us cyclists endured during monsoon rainy season.


Bright yellow maple leaves, itching to turn red.






Yeah, it was totally worth having trenchfoot for the entire month of June, just so I could make this my desktop.


Probably definitely poisonious.




Trees: officially better than flowers. But harder to wrap in cellophane and sell on petrol station forecourts.




Brilliant scarlet, slashing the sky! Anyone else feel a haiku coming on?

Repeat after me

Preferred teaching materials for Junior High Schools in my district.


How times have changed since I first travelled to Der Jugendherberge in German class, with Juergen Schmidt, at the tender age of 11. These days, modern language textbooks come with a healthy dose of didacticism and include inspirational stories of triumph over adversity, from Maria and the Nazis to the life of Mother Teresa, via recycling, volunteer work, going green, Great Moments in Japanese History and the disturbingly creepy "Uncle Nick at the Rodeo".

Meet the cast. Annoying goody-goody Yuki, tomboy Momoko, smoove Andy and bratty American exchange student Mike, with whom Yuki shares some simmering sexual tension.

Accompanying the series are some truly dire *live action* videos, from the Acorn Antiques school of film making.

Here are some of the more (unintentionally) entertaining pages, aimed at 12-15 yr old students:

Holy Sony Walkmans, Batman! They're going to disconnect the mainframe!


Crazy Old Maurice and his "clean energy" schtick


Some amateur genealogy. According to this chart, the homo sapien is the bastard lovechild of the chimpanzee and bonobo, and brother of the gorilla.


Omigud, I so totally know what she means. I'm constantly thinking in Swahili and speaking Norwegian.


Could be worse. I could be teaching Japanese. And in Papua New Guinea, like this poor guy.


Yuki's visiting London! Or rather, the sanitised Houses of Parliament and the Millennium Wheel. Perish the thought she should see a Soho crack den, Hackney council estate or the dogging area of Clapham Common.


Season Two, and the ensemble cast expands to include tow-haired Jim and Paulo, a rogue Brazilian. Momoko now sports a fetching lilac ensemble to reflect her new, 14-yr-old sensibilities. Yuki has moved her arm 90 degrees.


Third grade features the aptly named hapless blonde bimbo, Jenny. One of those naive young English girls, culturally clueless and mortally offended by anything and everyone around her. Bloody gaijin.


The completely inexplicable but always welcome appearance of Julie Andrews.


This is what a real textbook looks like


Sample page

Never say you don't learn anything from these pages. Note that the Japanese translation for "I'm coming" is actually "I'm going." Typical Japanese - always one step ahead.

Sports Day

Rollup, roll up, it's the Minami Junior High Fiesta di Sportsia, commonly known as Sports Day.

Five teams, one hot September Saturday and eleventy hundred certificates, four trophies and three class flags are up for grabs. I'll probably get a prize just for showing up.


Pre-drummage huddle


Opening ceremony: sacrificial drumming


Post-drummage line-up. One member's blood will be sacrificed, then the games can begin!


Tensions are running high in the Athletes' Village


It's only 10am, but the School Nurse is gearing up for her busiest day of the year. Over the next six hours, a constant stream of injured Gladiators enter her healing realm to be bandaged up and shipped back out to the arena and the baying crowd. Legs gush with the blood of titans, an excess of gravel is removed from the knees, and the odd weeping kid is wrapped up in a tin foil blankie.


A few physical jerks to warm up


The Green Team, unaware of the gravity of the situation


The Oxford Blues, also not taking things seriously enough


A slow start to the Baby Relay


Only eight gypsies were maimed in the making of this skipping rope


Yellow and Green teams subtly infiltrate Red Enemy territory for Lunch


Time for the Dance of the Fishermen




It was THIS BIG!


The boys take a break for some Extreme Skipping





For The Win! Some of the teachers may have been taking this more seriously than the kids.