Georgetown

Off to explore the rustic charms of Georgetown, Penang's captial and UNESCO certified World Heritage Site. Let's see if it lives up to the hype...

Loads of great Chinese temples

Damnit, they saw me coming...

When I am made a deity, I would very much like to be worshipped with iced gems, reese's peanut butter cups and kit kat chunkys, thankyouplease.

Get kicked out of a mosque pretty early on (I'm menstruating, I'm a woman, it's ramadam - it was never going to work), but I don't let this hold me back.

At another mosque, I'm welcomed in with open arms. A man in a Manchester United shirt dresses me in a long black cloak and wraps a scarf around my head, turning me into a shadow. A very hot shadow. Those things are not made from breathable fibres.

He gives me a quick tour and talks to me for ages about the tsunami in Japan, while sweat oozes and dribbles down my back. He's showing a lot more leg in his shorts than I am in my conservative temple-visiting skirt.

A rickshaw driver shaving in his wing mirror

Halfway through my Georgetown jaunt, I run into Tim at the Monna Lizza Cafe. He looks suitably sheepish, as you would if you saw the girl you'd thrown up in front of, after you tried to Jedi Mind Trick her into bed. He's drinking with two ex-pats who are pushing 60. I wonder if I should warn him about the dangers of succumbing to the empty flattery of older men. Instead I say nothing and remain the picture of diplomacy and tact.