Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Stained Kimono Goes Malaysian!

The Happy Hooker



Best Airplane Novel Ever.
Gory and clinical but never erotic, this fantastically entertaining novel saw me nicely through the 7hrs to Kualar Lumpur. It covers all your bases: bestiality, swinging, S&M and roleplay.

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name is referred to as "Greek Style", which has put me right off yogurt.

The rest of the night flight is a turbulence-filled misery fest. I fall into a delirium of Rhianna lyrics, the conviction that I have not turned in an important essay on King Lear and wake continually from snatches of sleep for perhaps minutes at a time.

On landing, a tropical rainstorm hits. The air smells metallic and raw. The terminal is lined with Starbucks and McDonald's and I am not allowed on the bus with my smoothie. Brenden the Bus Driver ushers me into a battered deskchair and we sit under dripping tarpaulin and swap Japanesisms while I slurp my BananaKrunchBrekkiePower! His accent is probably no worse than mine.

I arrive in Chinatown, pleased to note that there are only a few leprosy-ridden beggars for me to step my privileged white self over, and collapse at my hostel. Loud bhangra music from the lobby awakens me from my slumbers. I emerge, blinking, from my room. The owner, wearing only a towel, is sitting in the common room surrounded by his friends, discussing the best way to use Facebook to get girlfriends. They are watching a loud Bollywood movie, and will not move from this position for the duration of my 3 night stay.

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